Stop the Trees!

We must be carefull of the not so suttle massages that are being sent throughout the world today. One of them is "Go green, plant a tree." We need to understand the danger that trees really are. Every since Eve picked that fruit off of the Tree of the Knowledge back in the garden they have been giving us trouble. Do you know what more people die from in car wrecks every year? Trees! They are everywhere. Growing too close to the side of the road so you can't see the stop sign on the corner. Children are always falling out of them & breaking their arm. Back in the days when they used to do a lot of lynching of innocent people, you know what they lynched them from? That's right. Trees! Trees are the scourge of the earth. Today in California there are many wildfires spreading across the countryside destroying peoples million-dollar mansions without mercy. One of the main ways these fires are spread is by trees. Our only hope is to start tree-control legislation immediatly. A few weeks ago the house of the parents of a childhood friend of mine was attacked by a tree. In an attempt to martyr itself during a recent storm the suicide tree "fell" on the roof of their house causing thousands of dollars of damage. Thankfully no one was injured, this time. Trees are used to make the paper used in cigarretes, cigars & even reefers. If you hike to the highest point of Mt. Leconte in the Smokies you would think that you would get a beautiful view for miles around but you don't, why? Trees. We must fight back! Join us in our crusade to cut them down & turn them into salad spoons, lingerie chests & picnic tables.